Singlitus- the plague on our churches
WARNING: There is a subtle yet nasty virus at loose in the Christian church. Before you ask, it’s not the black death. Nor is it Y2K all-computers-will-die round two. It’s Singlitus, and the effects are widespread and growing daily. Sources are unsure of how the virus started but one anonymous source says a book called “Take a nap, God’s got your chap,” was released. Everybody who was "Single", "Not Sure", "It’s Complicated", 25 and under, and 25 and plus shared it online. In no time bible studies across the globe were taking notes in their journals, getting out their highlighters, sipping hot chocolate and nodding in agreement.
Brides.com took its first slump in history.
Jokes aside, dating seems to be a Christian problem worldwide. Unhealthy beliefs and habits have snuck into the Christian culture disguised as Godly and they are affecting people’s lives.
Take Ashleigh, she’s 35, tall, smart, killer curves- the girl makes Selena Gomez look frumpy. If she stepped outside her church and flicked her hair back and forth a few times half the boys on the street would come running. But instead, she’s been waiting for God to bring her the right guy since she first stepped her pretty self into church at 23. That was 12 years ago. It’s been a long 12 years and even though she tries to smile when people tell her “in his timing,” she feels like God has neglected her.
There’s Ben. He hasn’t asked a girl out in about 7 years. He did like this one girl once, they ran a bible study together, but then he never really did anything about it. Fast forward a bit and he heard that she was dating some other guy. So, he got moody, ignored her and that was the end of that.
At a social Ben notices Ashleigh but doesn’t talk to her (she’s tall, it's scary. He’ll know when he meets the one. He's at church for Jesus not girls). Ashleigh tries to talk to Ben but he has no social skills and she looses patience. They eat a few hotdogs and play some games then everyone goes home going “what just happened? It’s a classic case of Singlitus.
Is your church or small group affected by Singlitus? Here are some warning signs:
1. If you stand behind someone of the opposite sex in the queue for a pancake a rumour starts. If we didn’t make it such a big deal for a girl and guy to hang out together, people would actually feel more comfortable with doing the journey. Think about it, you would be able to find out if he is really as cute as his sideways hair style says he is.
2. Everyone goes around saying, “Don’t worry, God’s got your perfect person.” There is no perfect person. Christians can’t get lazy and expect someone awesome because God has their backs. Things in our lives change and move forward when we think wisely, seize opportunities and go for them. Sorry, your mail order bride is probably not on her way from Proverbs to your pew.
3. People have forgotten how to flirt Hello, flirting is fun. And important. And it’s not unholy unless you are doing it for attention. It makes you like someone and it’s how you show your interest. Ever wondered why those Christian hangouts can be so boring? Everyone is just way too well behaved.
4. You have a group of friends full of single compatible people. If you are friends, single and compatible why are you still friends? Christians love the friendship vibe but it gets no-one anywhere (Read this article on girl and guy friends). Sometimes boys are interested in girls and they think the journey to success is the friend route- then she has no idea and then ends up with someone else. Get out of the friend zone and make a move.
5. People have unrealistic expectations Christian girls love lists so when someone actually does muster up the courage to say "hey let’s hang", if he doesn’t have brown hair, play a guitar and share your favourite scripture he ain’t the one you’ve been praying for. I’m sorry to play bad cop, but you are going to meet a real person and he might not be Carlz Lenz’s twin.
I’ll stop at 5 but I could go on. Alright, I am being a bit unfair for the sake of the article but can we honestly not consider why are there so many Ashleighs and Bens in churches? Isn’t the plan to present a healthy, fun model of dating and relationships within the church?
I, for one, think it’s time we got ourselves some antibodies to Singlitus, stopped sitting back and told those unhealthy mindsets to vamos.
Hey, why don’t you get a bit intentional about your life- go on a date, throw your list out or dare I suggest it- ask someone for their number?