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It's not you, it's your cargo pants

It's not you, it's your cargo pants

Cargo Pants 1.jpg

What should I wear today? I’ll check Pinterest, said no guy ever.

If your relationship status looks like netflix, oreos and sweatpants and you can’t figure out why, I’m here to help you: it might be your lack of style. Most average guys think the only thing they need to think about when it comes to fashion is can I wear this pair of jeans again before I wash it? At a push this thinking may progress to Jeans and white shirt, or jeans and brown shirt? Unless you’re a hipster metrosexual (all hip metros feel free to read this article with a sense of superiority and laugh at the world outside your stylish frame of reference).

Male Style
Male Style

According to E-Harmony, style is one of the top 10 things a woman looks for in a man. Top 10 you say? Yes. This means there have been situations where it really wasn’t you…

It was your cargo pants.

Are we surprised? Women love clothes. Pick up a Cosmo, go on- clothes and relationships. If you have ever been led on to believe a girl didn’t notice your clothes, you were wrong. It would be like you not noticing her…never mind, let’s stop that train of thought. If we're honest we'll admit women start playing dress up at 3 and never stop. We study the rules. We learn things like don’t put on liquid eyeliner when you’re late, never wear a water based mascara to a Nicholas Sparks movie, utilize stripes, always ask a second opinion, don’t asses your self esteem after staring at a mirror in a cheap store, only wear red on special occasions and don’t trust male sales agents.

A woman at 30 is so practiced at the art of looking good she can make an English Bull Dog look beautiful.

Condolences to all the dog lovers out there- I do think English Bull Dogs are beautiful in their own way. And men, you may feel the same way about your rugby shirt from 1995 with the sweat patches and grass stains, but not all of us share your attachment. What you wear matters, especially on dates. Here's the news even if you’re a nice guy, you dinner, you pull out the chair and walk her to her car, she may still ditch you because “you know what Kate, those aqua stripes just didn’t do it for me. I don’t think I can be attracted to a man in aqua stripes”. It's unfair and it's superficial. I can see why this could frustrate you. Gentlemen, here's a thought: why not take women’s tendency to dose out points for style and make it work for instead of against you?

What do women want?

1. Sensitivity- (tough guy with a heart of gold). 2. Good family values- (doesn’t jump into bed with every female on the planet or spend weekend in drunk coma). 3. Intelligence and talent (Decent job, hobbies on the side, ability to think). 4. Social skills (Has friends, and is able to be introduced to your friends. Doesn’t talk to self). 5. Confidence (No explanation required).

Ok, now go ahead and put style in that list. Read it again. Style is by far the easiest to achieve, right?!

Now that I've won my style argument and convinced you of the importance of dressing well let me help you navigate your way with some starter tips- we all want the world to be a happier place. Nah, don’t thank me, forward the blog to a friend and we’ll be good.

Basic Style Tips for Men

  • Don’t wear Crocs. Don’t wear Crocs with socks. Actually, don’t wear sandals with socks.
  • Don’t use more than a teaspoon of gel in your hair.
  • Don’t get a Mullet. I repeat: don’t get a Mullet.
  • Don’t grow a weird moustache. Even in Mo-vember.
  • Throw away your Joke T-Shirt. Come now, how many people laugh after you’ve worn your “If I had a rapper name it would be Lay-Z” T-shirt for the 26th time? Don’t wear a Wife beater. Less isn’t more and you aren’t CJ from GTA San Andreas (Grand Theft Auto).
  • Throw away old running shoes. Wait, was that the sound of your heart breaking? Stand strong- I understand, parting is such sweet sorrow and yet there comes a day when you and your nikes just can’t do it. Yes, the break may be difficult and traumatic, but let this relationship advice guide you: “Staying in a hopeless and miserable situation doesn’t make you loyal, it just makes you miserable.” GULP.

I know you think we want to see your underwear, we don’t.
Never ever wear cargo shorts to a date. Unless you are camping and plan to put everything in your 23 pockets, they have no place on this planet.

These are the basics, adhere and you may find you go on date 2. Or, ignore everything I’ve said. But be warned, Oreos won’t make you breakfast in bed and Angelina Jolie is not going to walk out of your screen, leave Brad and arrive in a white sundress at your door step to take you and your sweat pants to Greece.

In case you were still wondering don't wear the jeans, wash them.

If you want more tips, put it in the comments and you may get your wish granted.

Let’s NOT Join a Cult

Let’s NOT Join a Cult

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I made the first move